Positive work relationships are essential to one’s daily happiness and sense of purpose. People spend 8-10 hours a day doing “their work” so if you are unhappy during this large part of the day, you can develop anxiety, depression, or anger and bring negativity to all your primary relationships. If you are the boss and your employees are unhappy your clients are sure to feel it. There should be a team effort between the corporation/owner, management and the employees. The below article is from my Book, “Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success” which teaches the mindset necessary for optimum personal power and success.

Balance Triangle for the Business Owner

The three sides to keep balanced are The Corporation, the Employees, and Sales & Marketing. No matter what type of product or service you have, it must be marketed so someone will want to buy it. Whether it’s a hat, a piece of gum, or painting on a grain of rice (I bought three in Mexico!), a customer can be found.

With the grain of rice, the salesman had a book of designs from which I could pick to have on one side, with my name printed on the other. Then he had four choices of necklace vials into which the grain was put, which makes it expand so you can read it. I bought necklaces for my daughters and myself, in remembrance that everyone has a special talent; you just need to discover yours!

The Corporation/Organization is the owner, board of directors, upper management, and the decision-makers of the firm. They can either make or break an organization. They must share the same vision and work for the higher purpose of the firm. Unfortunately, when businesses get too big, money often becomes “the Higher Purpose” and soon the greediness is exactly what brings down a company. Those in the organization must be without ego, because they often make the mistake of looking down on “the little people” who are actually doing the hard labor and building the product. Without a happy staff, the executives in the organization don’t have a business to run.

The Employees/Staff are the meat of the firm, the creators of the product, or those who sell the service. It is because they are often mistreated, underpaid, and not recognized or appreciated that the firm crumbles. Everyone must work as a team to keep the firm in perfect balance. The executives in the organization must always ask for feedback and suggestions from the employees. They are the front line workers – the ones who know. They hold a lot of power, and it is the smart business owner who knows this and does whatever it takes to keep the balanced triangle paradigm always within his mind and business.

The TV show, Undercover Boss is a great example of a Boss wanting to be amongst his staff to appreciate their daily work and dedication they have to his company. It’s a wonderful example of trying to keep the Business Triangle in balance.

Marketing and Promotion of a product is essential to get it into the hand of the buyers. Marketing examines what makes the product or service unique so someone will want to buy it. Promotion and public relations involves face-to-face sales and education of your product. People will buy something if they see the value in it, it is convenient, it is different than its competitors, they like and respect the person promoting it, and they can come to believe that the product or service will work for them.

All three elements of the Corporate Relationship Triangle need to be in balance and in touch with the other to be successful. The business cannot prosper without a great production staff, a creative team that implements original marketing and promotions, or a caring and involved executive supervisor. Do everything possible to nurture this important relationship balance for a successful corporation and happy employees. If you see imbalance, stress or anger amongst workers, hire a Corporate Relationship Coach to inspire and motivate change!

What is a Toxic Relationship?

 A “Toxic relationship” is a love relationship where your entire physical, emotional, and mental well-being is disturbed. This relationship can be defined through the experience of “walking on eggshells” or describing your partner as “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” – you never know who you’re going to get! Dr. Jekyll is charming, fun and outgoing to the community, and Mr. Hyde is the hidden, angry, destructive personality type you have to deal with behind closed doors. If you have intense fear, anxiety or depression when your partner drinks alcohol, ignores you, screams or lashes out in anger to control you, criticizes or blames you; then this is a toxic relationship.

Negative stress over time releases toxins throughout our bodies. When we are being abused, our bodies go into “fight or flight” mode. Eventually, the immune system wears down, making it difficult to fight colds, flu, and other diseases; often bringing imbedded viruses to the surface, or even create new ones – such as Epstein Barr Virus (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).

Other physical ailments can include migraines, stomachaches, and extreme fatigue. You could suffer with symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, emotional withdrawal, and low self-esteem. These issues then affect your ability to perform intellectually, socially, and professionally.

Another form of conflicting relationships is one with a commitment-phobe. Initially very charming, romantic, and pleasing, the moment you get too connected, this person panics and either starts sabotaging the relationship with irrational fighting, destructive actions, or flees altogether. He soon resurfaces and begs for forgiveness using the cheap dramatics of tears, flowers, or other niceties to win you back. It is a vicious, toxic cycle. The emotionally healthy partner often becomes consumed by analyzing what she did wrong, how to improve herself or make her emotionally manipulative partner less angry.

Can this be fixed? My new book, LOVE Beyond your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love you Deserve, is due out late fall and goes into the toxic personality types and explains the behaviors that are red flags early on that you need to watch before getting too involved with someone. It later explains whether your relationship dynamic can be fixed, how to heal from toxic love, and finally, how to find an emotionally healthy, evolved partner. Creating an evolved relationship with your partner is covered in my current book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, now available at Barnes and Noble and on www.amazon.com.

Each person brings into a relationship his dynamics from the past; how his parents raised him, if he was a child of an addicted parent, or he was emotionally, verbally or physically abused or neglected/abandoned – they all play a part. The abusive partner must enter into psychotherapy to examine his past and what he must do to fix his dysfunctional habits. However, often the toxic partner refuses counseling because he doesn’t think he does anything wrong. This denial is extremely strong and can last throughout his life. He may enter counseling briefly just to “win the partner back” after an affair or other grave miss-justice. Rarely does the partner change his basic abusive tendencies, and the dysfunction is bound to cycle again.

The emotionally healthy partner has two choices – either enter into therapy herself to learn appropriate ways to deal with the abusive partner, or ideally, to become strong enough to move on to a new, healthier, more peaceful and loving relationship.

An ideal relationship is one where both partners have a full life of his own; one is not overly dependent on the other for his source of happiness. When you become codependent on another person, you want him to make you happy. Happiness and a sense of self-esteem can only come from within; when you develop and nurture your spiritual purpose for being here in this world, and you do some type of work to perpetuate that purpose.

It is important to be one another’s best friend to share our hopes and dreams, to celebrate our accomplishments, and discuss our fears during the tough times. But, you are NOT looking to him to solve your troubles, take away your challenges, control your decisions, tell you what you can or cannot do, or to rescue you from your daily unhappiness. That is YOUR responsibility, and if you need help from a Coach, get it.

The bottom line is, do not suffer in a Toxic Relationship! You Must Love Yourself More and break free from Toxic relationships to have the love you deserve!

(link) EHT Counselor co-authors book with Celebrity Daughter – from The Current Newspapers of southern NJ.

 from Riana’s  column My Relationship Coach – in The Current Newspapers/Atlantic Co, NJ

       I recently met a wonderful man who stunned me with his response when I asked the question, “What does an ideal relationship look like to you?” He responded, “It would have to be an “Evolved relationship.” This is the type of Relationship dynamics I coach and write about in my current book, Live Beyond your Dreams – From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success. I was very surprised, as this was the first time in all my years of asking this, that I heard this response from a man other than one I coach! We had a great discussion on what this looked like for him and for me. For my clients, I advise a healthy, loving and lasting relationship should contain the following qualities. See how many you offer your partner! (Please note that “She” could be replaced with “He” for my women readers)

.       1) She should be a place of unconditional love for me. She is my partner, friend and confidant. I can turn to her in tough times without ridicule or fear.

.       2) She is my best friend – someone to laugh, cry and share my dreams with. She gives honest feedback but does not impede my personal growth.

.       3) She lets me make my own choices. We both realize I am responsible for my own decisions, happiness, growth and strength; and I am fully aware my choices do affect her.

.       4) She desires me for love and friendship, but she isn’t needy. She is strong in her own right, yet turns to me as her man. She respects and honors me, and I her. I feel loved as a man should, it makes me feel powerful and strong, but I never look to overpower or control her.

.       5) I am attracted to her physically and I desire her, and she me. This relationship is NOT based on lust or sex, but rather it is a fabulous passionate friendship.

         6) We share similar beliefs in spiritual or religious faith and the importance it plays in our lives. If we are of different faiths, we have a respect and openness to each other’s spiritual practice.

     7) I love her energy; she is kind, fun, generally positive and rarely negative or angry, and is a pleasure to be around. She shines her inner light into the hearts of others. She has great mood management, and is helpful and patient. She is a GOOD person, and I know it as others do.

.       8)  She is able to communicate her feelings well – whether we agree or disagree, we are entitled to our separate beliefs. She never makes me feel small for having different thoughts than her on any subject.

.       9) She is socially confident and outgoing. People like her as much as I do; but she is her own person, and doesn’t falter to the strength of a crowd. I am supportive of her individuality, as she is of mine; and I am always proud to be with her.

10) She is as fabulous a mother to her children, as I am a father to mine. There is true unconditional love and friendship with our children.

11) She is of good moral character, honest, loyal, lives with integrity and I trust her. Her challenges throughout life did not break her, which makes her even stronger in faith and character. I admire her values, and she is a living example of her word.

12) She is intelligent, and uses in a way to serve others and to succeed in life.

13) I have great passion for her as a lover and a friend. I feel excited to be near her, look forward to the next time I see her, and know my life would be empty without her. She is beautiful inside and out, and I feel blessed to have her in my life.

     Remember, the law of Attraction says, “Be what you want to Attract.” If you can try to be and have all of the above qualities, this is the type of person you will attract to your life. Or, it will be evident when someone tries to have a relationship with you who lack these qualities; you will see it quickly and move on.

     It takes conscious living and constant self-evaluation to make sure you are the best you can be for yourself and your partner. Daily stress takes a toll on the most evolved person, so keeping a spiritual foundation and finding time for personal prayer or mediation is essential. Contact a Relationship Coach if you need assistance in decreasing your stress and to help be your personal best self!

Riana Mine is a Marriage/Family Therapist at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; a Certified Relationship Coach, author, and motivational speaker in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. Her column, My Relationship Coach will discuss the relationship you have with yourself and others. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, addresses various relationships. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com

Now that the children are out from school, parents are becoming anxious. What is the most effective way to discipline my acting-out children or my defiant teen that has an attitude? This question is often asked of me in my Therapy practice. You have to remember you have a very precious and valuable relationship with your child or teen. It is one that must last forever; and their childhood traumas are carried into their adult relationships, so how you parent has a lasting effect on their sense of self, happiness and ultimate success.

 What most people don’t know is that the word discipline comes from the bible; it stems the word Disciple; and it involves teaching and learning. It is a part of The Positive Parenting approach. We do need to teach our children self-control and to make wise choices, and parents must learn to be more of a teacher, not a tyrant.

Positive Discipline teaches children appropriate behavior, important values and corrects a child’s misbehavior. Effective discipline helps children learn how to:

Exercise self-control at school and at home

Be responsible for themselves and kind to others

• Respect limits of adults, peers and other people’s boundaries
• Make decisions that are in their best interests, without violating others
• Gives them a sense of security and teaches the consequences that can be expected for bad behavior, choices or attitudes

The most effective discipline helps children learn from the results of their actions, while preserving their self-respect. It minimizes power struggles and allows for the possibility of compromise. It is important to be firm, fair and consistent. Avoid physical punishment. The dangers of using physical punishment on your child are:

 1) You teach your child it is ok to control others by using intimidation and physical force, thus creating a child who is violent to others.

2) It is more likely your child will be rebellious towards you when they reach adolescence. Abused children often are substance abusers as teens; teenage girls often engage in risky sexual behaviors.

3) You can seriously harm your child and possibly face criminal charges.

4) You make it less likely that your child will develop sensitivity to the feelings of others. Those who are hit become bullies as children and violent as teens.

5) You discourage your child from resolving conflicts by reasoning and negotiating, important skills for their future success.

6) You increase the chances your child will be abusive to their own child one day.

7) You risk getting a visit from DYFS – Family and Youth Services; and in extreme cases, your child may be removed from your home and placed in foster care.

 “Bad” discipline is anything physically or emotionally abusive – such as hitting with a hanger, belt or buckle, electrical cord, a tree branch/switch, or burning. It also includes emotionally frightening or threatening the child, such as locking them in a dark basement or dirty attic, refusing to talk to them for a long period of time, or constantly yelling and screaming at them. “Good” discipline could include removing TV, sending the child to his room or time-out chair, taking away their game-boy, computer, or other recreational hobby for a period of time.

  The Keys to Effective Parenting

1)      Focus on your child’s positive qualities and constructive behaviors.

2)      Praise them often when they are doing well.

3)      Do your best not to take their misbehavior personally and keep in mind that we all make mistakes – including your child.

4)      Explain clearly the house rules and what discipline the child can expect if the rules are broken.

5)      If you are having power struggles or other problems, seek out a Relationship Coach or Family Therapist to help guide you with these issues.

6)      Find a few summer activities the kids will enjoy, individually, and as a family. Do not over-do, but encourage creative arts and various adventures that are exciting and new. Have one family adventure a week, and be sure to schedule in a once-a-week parent date night, to give you an enjoyable well-deserved break.

7)      Use the Allowance Chart for teens and Start Chart for children to encourage them to do their chores and follow house rules. This weekly chart states a reward for meeting their weekly goals, and a discipline if they do not meet the minimum requirement for the week.

 Read how to use these Behavioral Modification charts in the Parenting chapter of Riana’s book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success. Learn to use the Positive Parenting method to raise successful, happy children and young adults. It works great!

             Riana Mine is a Marriage/Family Therapist at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; a Certified Relationship Coach, author, and motivational speaker in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. Her column, My Relationship Coach will discuss the relationship you have with yourself and others. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, addresses various relationships. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com

Sunday, June 16^th is a day to celebrate our relationship with our Father. Being in my fifties, I am amazed how the role of fatherhood has changed over the years. The traditional Dad I grew up with was the role-model from the TV shows, Ozzie and Harriet or Leave it to Beaver. The father worked as the sole wage-earner while the mother, in a sweet little “house dress,” did all the cooking, cleaning, nurturing and childcare.

In my home, being one of four siblings, the stereotypical roles existed, however my mom did not wear the house dress. By the time I turned eighteen and entered Penn State University, upon graduation, us young women were now in the “superwoman” generation; and as quoted from the well-known TV commercial, we were to, “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you’re a man….” So Dad still went off to work, and came home and relaxed, while the mother worked full or part-time, and still did all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. That was an extremely difficult state of being, and wreaked havoc with a lot of marriages, thus spiking the divorce rates. Our children watched their over-worked, divorced moms suffer, and many fathers became disengaged, part-time, weekend Dads.

Today, I watch my 32-year old, son-in-law Charles Ferrell, be an ideal father and husband. My daughter Stephana just had their baby boy, Logan on April 21^st, and I celebrate becoming a first-time Grand-mom! I watched Charles stay by Stephana’s side not only throughout her delivery, but also slept overnight at the hospital during her after-care. He took childcare classes, equally changes the diapers, wakes up for feedings, and takes Logan when he is fussy. He took the week off from work, because now father’s have family rights, along with mothers. How wonderful these changes are! Logan and Charles have a super strong bond, due to his equal involvement in raising their son, and I commend him on what a wonderful father he is!

In my therapy practice, I see separated and divorced dads fighting for equal time, and not settling for just weekends with their kids. They are becoming more involved as coaches and spend real quality time with their children. Even in relationships where the couple never married, I have one gentleman of a seven-year relationship that no longer exists, still taking on the full-time role as Father to his 16-year old “daughter” who he mentors and is actively raising on a daily basis. I see men doing equal cooking, cleaning, household chores, and driving the children. Families have become full partnerships today, which is so necessary to have a successful marriage and happy family life.

My father, Jack Milne, who I loved and adored, passed away when I was only 28, but I always celebrate the valuable, life-changing lessons he taught me, which are mentioned in my book, Live Beyond your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose, and Success. I also honor my step-father, Joe Ryan, age 90, of Ocean City, NJ who has been my Dad for 28-year years. The role of “Dad” is a cherished and important one. I rejoice in the fact that the stereotypical, semi-involved Dad has evolved into an extremely committed father who insists on having a special, quality relationship with their children, despite their marital situation. To all those wonderful, “new-age” Dads, Happy Father’s Day!

            Riana Mine is a Marriage/Family Therapist at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; a Certified Relationship Coach, author, and motivational speaker in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. Her column, My Relationship Coach will discuss the relationship you have with yourself and others. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, addresses various relationships. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com