from Riana’s column My Relationship Coach – in The Current Newspapers/Atlantic Co, NJ
I recently met a wonderful man who stunned me with his response when I asked the question, “What does an ideal relationship look like to you?” He responded, “It would have to be an “Evolved relationship.” This is the type of Relationship dynamics I coach and write about in my current book, Live Beyond your Dreams – From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success. I was very surprised, as this was the first time in all my years of asking this, that I heard this response from a man other than one I coach! We had a great discussion on what this looked like for him and for me. For my clients, I advise a healthy, loving and lasting relationship should contain the following qualities. See how many you offer your partner! (Please note that “She” could be replaced with “He” for my women readers)
. 1) She should be a place of unconditional love for me. She is my partner, friend and confidant. I can turn to her in tough times without ridicule or fear.
. 2) She is my best friend – someone to laugh, cry and share my dreams with. She gives honest feedback but does not impede my personal growth.
. 3) She lets me make my own choices. We both realize I am responsible for my own decisions, happiness, growth and strength; and I am fully aware my choices do affect her.
. 4) She desires me for love and friendship, but she isn’t needy. She is strong in her own right, yet turns to me as her man. She respects and honors me, and I her. I feel loved as a man should, it makes me feel powerful and strong, but I never look to overpower or control her.
. 5) I am attracted to her physically and I desire her, and she me. This relationship is NOT based on lust or sex, but rather it is a fabulous passionate friendship.
6) We share similar beliefs in spiritual or religious faith and the importance it plays in our lives. If we are of different faiths, we have a respect and openness to each other’s spiritual practice.
7) I love her energy; she is kind, fun, generally positive and rarely negative or angry, and is a pleasure to be around. She shines her inner light into the hearts of others. She has great mood management, and is helpful and patient. She is a GOOD person, and I know it as others do.
. 8) She is able to communicate her feelings well – whether we agree or disagree, we are entitled to our separate beliefs. She never makes me feel small for having different thoughts than her on any subject.
. 9) She is socially confident and outgoing. People like her as much as I do; but she is her own person, and doesn’t falter to the strength of a crowd. I am supportive of her individuality, as she is of mine; and I am always proud to be with her.
10) She is as fabulous a mother to her children, as I am a father to mine. There is true unconditional love and friendship with our children.
11) She is of good moral character, honest, loyal, lives with integrity and I trust her. Her challenges throughout life did not break her, which makes her even stronger in faith and character. I admire her values, and she is a living example of her word.
12) She is intelligent, and uses in a way to serve others and to succeed in life.
13) I have great passion for her as a lover and a friend. I feel excited to be near her, look forward to the next time I see her, and know my life would be empty without her. She is beautiful inside and out, and I feel blessed to have her in my life.
Remember, the law of Attraction says, “Be what you want to Attract.” If you can try to be and have all of the above qualities, this is the type of person you will attract to your life. Or, it will be evident when someone tries to have a relationship with you who lack these qualities; you will see it quickly and move on.
It takes conscious living and constant self-evaluation to make sure you are the best you can be for yourself and your partner. Daily stress takes a toll on the most evolved person, so keeping a spiritual foundation and finding time for personal prayer or mediation is essential. Contact a Relationship Coach if you need assistance in decreasing your stress and to help be your personal best self!
Riana Mine is a Marriage/Family Therapist at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; a Certified Relationship Coach, author, and motivational speaker in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. Her column, My Relationship Coach will discuss the relationship you have with yourself and others. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, addresses various relationships. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com