Dr. Seth Meyers, PsyD., author of the book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription, writes about ways to overcome and break the cycle of Relationship Repetition Syndrome (RRS). RRS is a repetitive behavioral cycle that leads to one sabotaging love relationships. You either idealize a partner on external traits, try to save them from bad choices and the consequences, sacrifice yourself to prove your worthiness, or emotionally chase your desired partner. You are attracted to a partner who never seems to meet your emotional needs, and then down the road, realize they aren’t good for you. Usually those who repeat toxic relationships were children who were somehow mistreated, abandoned, rejected, neglected or abused. As an adult, you unconsciously try to re-create, then solve and heal the original trauma that was experienced. According to Dr. Meyers, one or several factors lead to the repetition of choosing dysfunctional or toxic partners:
- Fear compels you to repeat what you are familiar with. Past trauma reminds you it isn’t safe to love or trust another, or to be vulnerable, and attracts you to stay with what you know.
- Denial of past anger, sadness, emotional needs or painful feelings. You must be able to understand how your past childhood patterns contributed to the dysfunction of your relationships. Denying accountability keeps you stuck in continuing to choose harmful partners.
- Impulsive Coping Style includes jumping into a relationship too quickly without knowing if this person could be a healthy partner. This happens due to boredom, sadness or loneliness; or you may be addicted to cheap drama.
- Distorted Beliefs: You tend to be overly attracted to the fantasy of the romantic relationship and not choosing a realistic partner who’s responsible and down to earth.
As described in my forthcoming book, Love Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve; it is essential to know the early warning signs of toxic partners! Stop dating someone as soon as you see any potential problems to save yourself from heartache. Relationship Repeaters are people that tend to have a core belief of either feeling helpless or not good enough. How you feel about yourself influences how you feel about your life over all, and seriously influences who you choose to date. It is important to get some Life Coaching to develop a healthy self-love and confidence level in all your various life spheres. You will learn how to choose better dating partners, and that a person’s internal qualities are the true gift to having the love you deserve.
To stop toxic, relationship repeating, slow down the dating process so you can make sound judgments and not get caught up in the falsity of attraction and romance. A great partner will have an evolved life; fully positive, successful, purpose-driven, and productive. They are balanced, live with integrity, and have stable moods and really do, “have it all together.” Most importantly, they are emotionally available for love, and looking for an equally evolved life partner. They are out there – you just need to know the right type of person to look for, and be totally ready yourself!
Riana Mine is a Marriage/Family Therapist at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; a Certified Relationship Coach, author, and motivational speaker in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. Her column, My Relationship Coach will discuss the relationship you have with yourself and others. Her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her book, Live Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, addresses relationships with yourself and others. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to www.RianaMilne.com or email RianaMilne@gmail.com. FB: Coach Riana Milne.