Chemistry – What is it and Can you Trust it?

Chemistry – What is it and Can you Trust it?

 Chemistry is that instant attraction when you lay eyes on someone who is “your type.” You feel your temperature rise, your heart beating faster, and a warm glow emerge as the two of you lock eyes. For days or weeks you are walking on clouds if you start a relationship with someone because of chemistry. It is a rare feeling that taps into one’s “Love Map.”

A Love Map is ingrained inside one’s psyche at a young age. Psychologists report that a child’s first crush, between the ages of 5 and 8 years old, forms the pattern of desire that lasts a lifetime. Most people can remember the first and last name of their childhood crush. If he had dark hair and dark eyes that is what you will be attracted to in a partner. If she was tall with blonde hair and blue eyes, chemistry will ensue when you lay eyes on a lady of that type. If you cannot remember a crush that early, the physical traits will resemble that of the opposite-sexed parent. Think back – does this apply to you?

Chemistry is when the dl-Phenylalanine, Dopamine, and Seratonin levels within the brain escalate and “rush” through the brain and body when you see someone your type. Chemistry is for real, but can you trust it? Does it lead to true and lasting love?

Chemistry can get you in the door and start a relationship, but developing a friendship first is what makes a relationship endure. Unfortunately, too many people go with the lusty first feelings, become disillusioned and get involved “too fast.” This starts a relationship off at full speed, and eventually it often won’t endure the long haul.

What to do? Enjoy the initial rush of chemistry – but put the brakes on and move slowly. Don’t rush into a sexual relationship no matter how tempted you feel. You will be grateful in the long run that you took the time to really grow the trust and friendship first.

I refer to this advice as the “90 day rule.” If you can put sexual intimacy on hold for 90 days, you will really first discover if this “new crush” is right for you – if indeed he possesses the qualities and character traits you really want in a long-term relationship. By rushing into intimacy, before you have this information, many people fall in love with an illusion that cannot endure, and the quick fire of passion burns out.



Riana Milne is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Relationship Coach in her private practice, Therapy by the Sea,LLC. For more than 30 years, Riana has coached thousands to personal and professional success with the Watch Me! mind-set and its promise of helping us achieve our dreams and beyond. She is the author of: Live Beyond Your Dreams, From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, and offers the free App: My Relationship Coach.

Posted in App Articles - My Relationship Coach

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